Number 19, Avon Close had been the home of Georgina Fields for sixty three years. She had moved there with her new husband, Frederick, in the summer of 1957. They had raised two boys, mostly fine young men, who had gone on to marry and live in towns hours away. Georgie, as her friends called her, and Fred, as his called him, had been happy and sad when the boys, Tom and Harry, moved away. They missed their sons, but enjoyed the time they now had to themselves.
In late 2009, Frederick had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. By early 2010, he was dead.
Tom and his wife Isabelle had stayed with Georgie for a month after the funeral, but eventually had needed to go back to their home and jobs. Harry lived slightly closer and would make monthly visits to check on his mum. These slowly decreased to bi-monthly before becoming six monthly by late 2018.
Georgie had struggled after the death of Fred and the ever decreasing frequency of her son’s visits had started to take a toll on her.
She changed after she made a new friend.
Valentina Fell DeLortoro Masi, Val to her friends, Miss Masi to everyone else, approached 19 Avon Close at a steady pace.
Had any of the neighbours been looking out of their windows during her arrival, they would have seen a woman in a smart grey suit, with grey trousers and sensible black shoes, fade into view as she walked closer to number 19. They probably would have assumed it was a trick of the light and gone about their day, except for perhaps a little curiosity as to what someone so official looking might want with Georgie.
They would be wrong on two of their assumptions. Firstly, it was no trick of the light, Miss Masi had indeed faded in to this world. Secondly, her business was not with Georgie.
Miss Masi rang the doorbell of number 19 and stepped back a pace from the door. A clipboard and pen appeared in her hands, objects an onlooker would not have seen before she needed them.
The door opened and Georgie looked at her visitor, a confused and worried look on her lined face.
“Are you Georgina Fields?” Miss Masi asked.
“Yes, dear. Who might you be?”
Miss Masi made a mark on her clipboard “First lie.” She looked the old woman in the eyes “I am here from the DPLA, please let me in.”
Georgie looked away, as though thinking, then back to Miss Masi “I’m sorry, who are the DPLA?”
Miss Masi glared “Do not play stupid. You know full well who I am. Let me in.”
“I really don’t know what you are talking about. This is my home, please leave.”
Georgie tried to shut the door but Miss Masi held it open, pushing back against it with surprising strength.
“Second and third lie. You begin to annoy me.”
Georgie backed up, her eyes looking past Miss Masi for someone to call or help. The street was empty apart from her unwanted visitor.
“I am not going to go away. This issue is not going to go away. Let me in.” Miss Masi glared through her glasses.
“This is my house. You can’t just barge in.” Georgie wailed.
“Repeating the third lie does not make it true.”
Backing away from the hard stare of the woman in her doorway, Georgie made a half hearted gesture of welcome and Miss Masi stepped over the threshold and sniffed.
“My house does not smell.” Georgie said, furious at the implication.
Miss Masi smiled at her “I was not smelling the house. Now then, why don’t we find somewhere to sit. You make some tea and we shall discuss what happens next.”
“Tea? You haven’t even told me why you are here.”
“Oh, haven’t I? My apologies.” Miss Masi reached into her jacket pocket and handed Georgie her card.
It read
Miss Masi
Authorised Expeditor
Eviction Department
DPLA
“Eviction? But I own this house?”
“Repetition and rephrasing of the second lie. Come now. Make some tea and we shall discuss this calmly and come to a conclusion that is suitable for all three parties.” Miss Masi smiled, the hard look softening for a moment.
Miss Masi was sitting primly on the forward edge of the settee when Georgie entered the living room carrying two mugs of tea. Six sugars and condensed milk in hers, normal milk and no sugar for Miss Masi.
The woman from the DPLA had the clipboard resting on her lap and her pen was in her hand, poised to begin filling in the stack of forms which the clipboard held.
Georgie handed the mug of tea to Miss Masi, who took it with her free hand. The woman sniffed it and smiled “No bleach. No poison. Very good, I hope we can remain civilised.”
“Why would you think I would poison your tea?” Georgie asked, thinking that would have been a better choice than the knife tucked into her waistband.
“This is not my first eviction.” Miss Masi sipped her tea and Georgie began to reach for the knife. “On that note, please remove whatever weapon you have concealed about your person and place it on the floor. An attack on my person will require more forms and I will no longer be predisposed to be nice about this matter.”
Georgie forced a sheepish grin on her face and slowly pulled out the knife and placed it down in the middle of the room, away from her own chair, which she sat in heavily, feeling defeated.
“Let us begin with the easy questions. Name?”
“Georgina Fields.”
“Repetition of first lie.” Miss Masi ticked a box. “Name?”
“Georgie.”
Miss Masi tutted, made a few quick notes and pulled the form from her clipboard, crumpled it up and swallowed it.
“I do so dislike having to do that. Please do not make me do it again.”
Georgie swallowed “I’m sorry.”
“Fourth lie.” Miss Masi sipped her tea. “This is nicely brewed, thank you.”
Georgie nodded and sipped her own, savouring the sweetness of it.
“When did you move in to this house?”
“June 1957.”
“Fifth lie. If you make me eat this form then the polite stage of this interview is concluded, do you understand?”
Georgie nodded.
“Date you moved in to this house?”
“February 8th 2019.”
The pen made a note “Thank you. When was cohabitation first discussed?”
Georgie swallowed “Do you mean between us or with the Department?”
Miss Masi glared “As you never submitted a request to the DPLA for permission to cohabitate, the answer to that question is obvious do you not think?”
“December 24th 2019.”
“I take it loneliness was an instigating factor?”
“Yes.” Georgie felt small.
“And your reason for not requesting permission was?”
“I didn’t know I had to.”
“Sixth lie. Do not let it reach seven lies. My hands are tied, so to speak, if that occurs.” Miss Masi’s voice was calm but her face betrayed an inner fury.
“I’m sorry.”
“So then, now that we have established you cannot hide from me. Name?”
“Mark Hutchinson.” Georgie’s body said.
“Thank you. Now then, I need to hear from Georgina.”
Mark moved Georgie’s hand to wipe away the sweat which had started to form on her brow. “Well, Georgie’s sleeping right now. She’s old, she likes to nap.”
Miss Masi’s eyes narrowed “Indeed. Unfortunately you will have to wake her up, this process cannot proceed without the owner’s input.”
Mark nodded and gulped “I’ll try, give me a moment.”
Georgie’s eyes rolled up into her head and then back to normal before widening in surprise to see Miss Masi sitting on her settee “I’m sorry, dear, I must have had a moment. Who are you? I’m afraid I don’t remember.”
Miss Masi glared at Georgie “I will not count this as the seventh lie just yet.”
“Excuse me?” Georgie was confused.
“Mark, let Georgie speak to me or I will be forced to assume that your tenancy is not the wishes of the owner.”
Georgie’s mouth curled into a nasty sneer “How did you know?”
Miss Masi used her index finger to push her glasses up “Your hand did not shake when you saw me. There was no panic to her seeing a stranger in her house, drinking her tea. You gave instant acceptance of the fact. Georgie would have shown a little fear, either at me or herself for not knowing what is going on. That’s just the simple, observable facts.”
“She could have been made of sterner stuff, after all, we’ve been doing this for seven months.”
“Perhaps,” Miss Masi pointed directly at Georgie’s body, “but I can smell your soul. It did not change when Georgie supposedly appeared.”
Mark felt the sneer slip off of Georgie’s face “Oh.”
“If you do not allow me to speak to Georgina, right now, you leave me with no option but to take the position that your have taken her hostage.”
Mark’s laugh sounded strange coming from Georgie’s throat , her voice had never held such malice in all of her lifetime and struggled to really let it through. “I wouldn’t say taken hostage. That would imply she’s in here somewhere. This more of a soul occupancy body.”
Miss Masi carefully placed her mug of tea on the little side table, being careful to ensure it was on a coaster. She inhaled, deeply, and Georgie’s body registered a drop in temperature, goosebumps forming on her forearms.
“Have you performed an illegal eviction, Mark? Your file has no record of you having the skills for that.”
The uncomfortable laugh came out of Georgie’s mouth again “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”
Miss Masi focused her gaze on the side of Georgie’s face, watching a single bead of sweat roll down it. Without speaking to Mark again, she began filling in forms at a furious pace.
“What are you doing, Miss Masi?” He asked, using Georgie’s sweetest tones.
“Filing for an emergency, forcible eviction. You really have left me no choice.”
“Is that really legal?” Mark made Georgie sneer, “After all, they say possession is nine tenths of the law.”
He launched Georgie’s ageing body across the room, lunging to pick up the knife. Miss Masi reacted faster than he expected her to.
The woman from the DPLA leapt up from the settee, still writing on the form. As Mark used Georgie’s hand to throw the knife, Miss Masi ducked out of the living room. The knife shot through the open door and stuck itself into the framed photograph of Tom and Isabelle.
Miss Masi said nothing, but Mark could hear the pen still writing on the form.
“Come now, dearie, come and play with Georgie.”
The pen stopped writing and Miss Masi stepped back into view. She held the form before her, like a talisman to ward him off. That wasn’t going to work.
“This is your last chance. Voluntarily surrender your illegal occupation of Georgina Fields or be forcibly removed.”
Mark wagged Georgie’s finger at Miss Masi “Tut tut, dear. You can’t rip me out. That would leave this body vacant. You know what that means. I know there are rules about making zombies.”
Miss Masi gave a half smile and raised her eyebrow at him “Empty? Oh, I don’t think so. You can’t destroy her soul and I’ve had people checking. Georgina Fields has not been registered as a new arrival at any point in the last three years. We checked further back than your arrival just to be sure.”
“You checked? Do you honestly expect me to believe that? You haven’t spoken to anyone but me since you arrived.” The confidence was slipping.
Now it was Miss Masi who tutted “We are efficient, you know. All of these details were checked and verified before I arrived. The only thing I had to ascertain before beginning proceedings is whether your cohabitation was a mutual decision or forcible entry on your part. It was only because you hedged your answer when I asked if you could expel her that you did not speak a seventh lie.”
“So, what do you think happened?” Mark taunted.
“You have trapped Georgina’s soul, most likely within your own.” Miss Masi held the form higher “Once I submit this form, I will have authorisation to forcibly remove you. If you have done as I suspect, then the only way for me to remove you an ensure Georgina’s safety will be to rip your soul apart. I’m afraid that will mean a return to the waiting room for millennia as your soul puts itself back together. After that, well, you will not be granted an outside licence again and I doubt Upstairs will take you. You understand what that means?”
Georgie’s head nodded “Of course. But it’s not like surrendering will improve my options.”
“That would depend on Georgina’s side of the story.”
“I’ll take my chances. You don’t look that scary.” Mark forced his laugh out of Georgie again.
“Very well.” Miss Masi threw the form into the air and it vanished.
Mark had followed the form’s flight and when he looked back down he saw Miss Masi removing her glasses and putting them into her jacket pocket.
Laughing, Mark moved Georgie’s body into a boxers stance, hands up and ready to fight “Let’s do this then.”
“As you insist.” Miss Masi replied.
Flinging her arms wide, the woman from DPLA screamed, her voice becoming inhuman. Her fingers elongated, gaining two extra joints. Her nails extended and curved, becoming wickedly shape talons. Her irises and pupils faded away, leaving her eyes completely white. The grey suit became white, shredding and tearing until it was a white dress, aged and ragged. Her teeth became fangs, a mouthful of daggers ready to shred and tear flesh and spirit alike. The tight bun of her hair unfurled, revealing its length to be over ten feet long, it fanned around her whole body before twisting itself into tentacles ready to strike.
Mark made Georgie’s body put its hands up and yelled “I surrender.”
The terrifying ghoul ceased screaming and tilted its head to the side, quizzically.
“I’m serious. You are the scariest thing I have ever seen. I’ve changed my mind. I surrender.”
“Exit the premises.” The Miss Masi ghoul hissed.
“Gladly.” Georgie’s body as back down in her armchair and a man in his mid forties, starting to go bald and with a slight belly stepped out of her. “Seriously, I surrender.”
The ghoul pointed one talon at the settee “Sit.”
Mark did so.
“Oh my God! What is that?” Georgie, now back in control of her body and seeing the situation for the first time, screamed, pointing at Miss Masi.
The pale face of the ghoul flushed red with embarrassment and the transformation undid itself within a second. Miss Masi pulled her glasses out of her pocket and put them back on.
“I do apologise, Mrs Fields.” She said.
“What is going on?” Georgie screamed and then saw Mark on the settee “Mark? Why have you left me?” She started to cry.
Mark stood from the settee, ignoring Miss Masi’s glare and put his arm around Georgie’s shoulders. Except, he was not touching her, he couldn’t any more.
Miss Masi sat back down on the settee, picked up her tea and sipped it “Still warm. Mrs Fields, I suspect the cup next to you is also still warm. May I suggest you drink some.”
Georgie looked to Mark for reassurance that it was ok and he nodded.
She took a sip and gasped “How sweet is this?”
Now it was Mark’s turn to be embarrassed “Sorry, Georgie. I knew it was likely to be my last one so I went a little overboard, hoping to get a full smack of the sweetness.”
“Its fine, love. But what do you mean, last chance?”
Mark pointed to Miss Masi “She’s here to evict me. What we did, well, I didn’t get permission.”
Georgie glared at Miss Masi “And who are you to make my friend leave?”
“My name is Miss Masi. I work for the Department of Post Life Affairs.”
“That doesn’t explain much.”
“We oversee the actions of Post Life individuals until they are permanently rehomed. There are rules as to their conduct, unfortunately, Mark broke those rules.”
Georgie thought about this “Does that mean we have to pay a fine?”
“Unfortunately, Post Life individuals do not have anything we could use to fine them with and we don’t require money, so you could not pay for him.”
“Are you going to take him away?” Georgie asked, tears filling her eyes.
“Mark is going to come with me, yes. Before we go, I do want to hear from you about how this occurred. Your evidence could prove decisive in the severity of his sanction.”
“I can help him? I’ll do whatever I can to help.” Georgie told her.
Miss Masi was taken aback “You want to help him? He imprisoned you inside your own body.”
Georgie laughed “No. Today was his day, that’s all.”
“I think you had better explain everything to me.” Miss Masi stared at Mark, “If you had explained when I asked, this could all have been so much easier.”
Mark shrugged “I only have a level 2 haunting permit, I knew what we did wasn’t allowed. I was trying to scare you off.”
“Georgina…”
“Call me Georgie, dear.”
“Very well, Georgie. Please tell me the events that led up to today. Starting with Mark’s arrival in his position of resident spirit on the 8th of February 2019.”
Georgie sighed a gulp of the tea, grimaced at the sweetness ad set the cup down “Just needed to wet my throat first. Right then, the day he arrived. Did you do anything on the first day, Mark? I’m not so good with dates anymore.”
“No, Georgie, I was here for a week, learning about you before I moved the first mug. You didn’t suspect anything was going on for over a week after that.” Mark told her, with a smile, the coarseness of his voice long gone. Now he only spoke with tenderness.
“Well then, I’m afraid I couldn’t say what date exactly I realised something was wrong. At first I just thought age was getting to me. He was being mischievous you see, moving my stuff around, but only when I couldn’t see him. I’d put my book down in one room and find it in another and just assume I had absent-mindedly picked it up. I think it was when he saw me crying because I started to think I was going senile that he was more open with the haunting.” She burst into laughter “The first time I saw him act, he had one of my old nighties and was dancing around the bedroom with it. I couldn’t see him, of course, just this white piece of clothing dancing by itself. It was so obviously a ghost that I couldn’t move. Then I clapped.”
Miss Masi frowned, confused “You clapped?”
“Oh yes, I was a ballroom dancer when I was younger, love to watch Strictly these days. I could see that he was moving beautifully, a lovely waltz. I was so impressed that I applauded his performance.”
“Really?” This was directed to Mark, who blushed.
“I took a year of classes before I died.”
“Indeed, please continue.”
“Well, he dropped the nightie and the dancing stopped. I thought that I’d scared him. Think of that, a living person scaring a ghost.” Georgie chuckled “Well, I told him not to be scared of me. Said that they had danced very well. I got no reply at the time, but I did tell him to come back any time if he wanted a bit of company. I didn’t know that he was always here, then.”
“I see. How did the relationship proceed from that point?”
“Well, he became my constant companion, so I imagined. I was always talking to him, about the telly, the news, the book I was reading. I mean, I pretended he was always there, letting him know that it was fine with me if he ever did pop back. Made me feel less lonely.” Georgie looked into Mark’s eyes and smiled, he smiled back.
Miss Masi went to speak, found her voice catch in her throat and covered it with a cough before starting again “Mark, I think I would like to hear your side now. We will come to the co-habitation situation in a moment. What was your perspective on the events Georgie has just relayed?”
“They sound correct.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Georgie rolled her eyes at Miss Masi “Men can be so dense.” She turned to Mark “She’s trying to help you, you twit. Talk to her.”
Mark gave Georgie a puzzled look, spotted the small smile on Miss Masi’s lips and gulped “Oh. Well, I was trying to give her a bit of a fright with the nightie but I got carried away, lost myself in the dancing. I didn’t even notice her in the room until she applauded. It startled me and I dropped the nightie so she wouldn’t know where I was. I heard her give me the offer to visit any time and I thought that was the kindest thing anyone had said to me in a very long time, even before I died.” He blinked, keeping spectral tears from his eyes “I ceased all of the little tricks I had been playing on her. I’d already been feeling bad because I’d heard and seen her cry because she wasn’t sure she could trust her memory. I didn’t want to be cruel.” He pointed a finger at Miss Masi “Nowhere in the rules does it say I have to be cruel.”
“Indeed. The rules for haunting are quite simple. Occupy a building.”
Mark gaped at her “But, everyone says there’s loads. We all talked about the do’s and don’t’s.”
“Did you talk about them with anyone official?” Miss Masi was obviously fighting to keep the smile off of her face.
“N-no. It was scuttlebutt, rumours. We didn’t want to risk our chances by being the one who didn’t know the rules.” Mark slapped his forehead “The would have said, wouldn’t they? All our talk, all our fear. We didn’t believe them when they said hauntings were down to the individual.””
“I think your training might need a bit of work, dear.” Georgie said, her voice sharp.
“I do not disagree. Continue, please.”
Mark took a moment to compose himself. “I decided to go back into a surveillance mode, find a better way to haunt her. But then she started talking to me, and it was nice. But it didn’t take me long to realise that she was lonely.”
Georgie hushed him but Mark continued “I’m sorry, Georgie, but it was obvious. Your kids didn’t visit, didn’t ring. Your friends had stopped checking in too.” He sucked in a deep breath “That’s when I broke the rules and showed myself to her.”
“What rule?” Miss Masi asked.
“The one about…” Mark trailed off “Her seeing me was never a problem. How could it be? I could have floated above her ever night screaming in her face and I’d have thought that was fine. But introducing myself and being friendly, that was wrong. Except it never was, was it?”
Miss Masi shook her head “No. You are very correct, Georgie. We will have to see about the training and rumour mill amongst haunting candidates.” She finished her tea “You became friends, didn’t you?”
They both nodded.
“Not unusual, it happens often enough that its barely remarked upon.” Her voice hardened “However, what you two did that has brought me here today, that certainly is. I now need you to explain yourselves.”
Mark started to speak but Georgie shushed him “I’ll tell her. I don’t think its right that you take the blame for this, after all, I did offer.”
Miss Masi said nothing, waiting for Georgie to speak.
“We were having such fun. Making each other laugh, he listened to my troubles, encouraged me to reach out to the boys and speak to them on the phone more. I listened to him tell me about his life, but he never told me about what comes next. I want to make that clear. I don’t know what happens after I die. He said that it was a law and he wouldn’t break it because it could hurt me, he wasn’t worried about what might happen to him.”
“He was right, with respect to that. It is indeed a law, not a rule. Any infraction would have been recorded very quickly and punishment would have been, shall we say, unpleasant for you both.”
“Anyway, it was Christmas Eve and I was talking about how much I was looking forward to my turkey and veg and all the treats. And he sighed. He didn’t mean it, it just slipped out. That’s what started it. I asked him why he sighed but he wouldn’t tell me.” She grinned “I got it out of him in the end.”
“You don’t need to tell me the reason. I know exactly what it was.”
“Of course you do, it was only little old me who was in the dark. So I asked if there was any way we could change things so that he could enjoy Christmas a bit.”
“And you told her there was?”
“She’s my friend.” Mark protested “I told her the truth. I also told her I didn’t have the permits.”
“And I told him that it wouldn’t matter for one day. Christmas Day.”
Miss Masi let the small smile expand “And once you had done it, just that one time?” The rest was unspoken.
“Yes, dear. My fault. Whenever I found something new and tasty at the shops, I wanted him to try it. Or if the flowers in the garden smelled particularly nice.” Georgie finished her own tea “Do you know what its like to be old, Miss Masi?”
“I am older than you would suspect, Georgie.”
“Obviously, dear. No, do you know what it is like to have an old body? Full of aches and pains?”
“I do not.”
“Well, its better than the alternative, but it can wear you down. But when Mark was in charge, the body was his. Do you see?”
“You were free, just for a time.”
“Exactly. And so I persuaded him to come to an arrangement with me. Two days a week, he gets my body. As long as he didn’t break it or stuff me so fat that I couldn’t move. No drugs and only a little bit of alcohol in the evening. He got a bit more life, after all I’ve lived longer than he did. I got a weekend without all the little annoyances just being old brings.”
“So, what do you do when he has control?” Miss Masi’s asked, curious.
“Relax. I don’t look through my eyes or listen through my ears. I just replay memories. Mostly of my Fred. How to explain it? Its like being in a cinema but you are in complete control of what you see.”
A new clipboard and form had appeared on Miss Masi’s lap, a new pen in her hand. Neither Mark or Georgie saw it appear.
“Do you have anything to add, Mark?”
“Only an appeal for clemency on Georgie’s behalf. She doesn’t know what comes next. She didn’t really understand that this was against the rules. I would like her ignorance on these matters taken into account.”
“Nothing for yourself?”
Mark shook his head “I knew better. I just, didn’t want to send in the forms because if they said no, I’d have to stop because you could do a spot check at any time once you knew we were considering it. I didn’t want Georgie to lose that time.”
The pen flew across the form.
“I have almost everything I need.” Miss Masi hold out her hand “The forms please, Mark.”
Mark was puzzled “What forms?”
“The ones for co-habitation. Please retrieve them from your Pocket.”
Georgie’s head perked up at the sound of Miss Masi’s voice on the word ‘pocket.’ She looked at the clipboard and saw it had nothing on it. She looked into Miss Masi’s eyes and saw them twinkling with hidden mirth.
“Get the forms then, Mark. The ones you filled in but forgot to send.”
Mark was lost “But I didn’t forget…”
“The forms you forgot to send in.” Georgie cut him off before he could spoil it “The ones that are definitely in your pocket.”
“But Georgie…”
“Just look Please, Mark.”
Still confused Mark reached into the air, pulled his hand back and was shocked to find a sheaf of forms in his hand.
“Thank you.” Miss Masi had crossed the room in the blink of an eye and plucked them from his hand. “Oh yes, all in order, just missing the official stamp.” She pulled something out of her jacket, a finger bone and pressed the end of it to the form. “Excellent. I’ll be sure to back date the authorisation.” She smiled at Georgie “A pleasure to meet you, Georgie.”
“And you, Miss Masi.”
“Please, call me Val.”
With that, Miss Masi took her leave, gently closing the front door behind her.
“What just happened?” Mark asked Georgie, still lost.
“Everything and nothing, dear.” Georgie told him “Now then, do you want to watch some telly together or do you want the rest of your day?”
Still not entirely sure what had happened, but feeling very relieved, Mark smiled at his best friend “Let’s watch something on the box.”
Had anyone been watching the woman in the smart suit walking out of Avon Close, they would have been very surprised to see her fade out of view. But no-one was.
Had anyone who knew Valentina Fell DeLortoro Masi seen her walking out of Avon Close, they wouldn’t have been surprised to see her fade away. However, they would have been surprised to hear her giggling with glee as she did so.
© Robert Spalding 2020
Ghost Stories by Robert Spalding 